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Writer’s Block: Recipe for Success

01/19/2012

Apply elbow grease. Keep your nose to the grindstone. Get up early, and go to bed early. Whistle while you work. When you encounter a cloud, you look for the silver lining…then you strip away the silver, melt it into a huge block, and sell that sucker–have you seen how much silver is worth right now?? Didn’t think so.
Keep your friends close and your enemies closer. Find the goose that lays golden eggs–see the thingy about the silver. Never ever count your chickens before they hatch. (Unless you really really like eggs.) Keep your powder dry. Do not, and I cannot overemphasize this, do not operate a hairdryer while plugging in a radio whilst taking a bath.
It is okay to pee in the pool, everybody does it. It is not okay to throw a Snickers bar in the pool, point at it, and scream, “Look, a doody!!” (Although when i first saw that in Caddyshack I laughed so hard my chocolate milkshake came up through my nose).
Do not watch Caddyshack while drinking a chocolate milkshake. Make every effort to drink a chocolate milkshake while reading this post. Do not let your goofy/crazy/bachelor uncle make you a chocolate milkshake, remember that Christmas weekend 14 years ago when some genius thought it would be a good idea to let your Uncle Steve make the eggnog???
Read often, books will always be better than televised media. (And you can sit on your couch while reading, just like you would otherwise.) Vote often–good men died like dogs in the late 1700’s so that you CAN vote. Support your military, they do what they do so that you can do what you do. Unless what you do is set about figuring out how to screw things up for the rest of us. Don’t get me started.
I’m done.

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